Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Heart work

I picked up the girls from my Mom's today after work. We were busy sharing all that God has been doing in our lives. Naps were running late. Addison fell asleep in the car and transferred to her bed seamlessly. Caiden hemmed, hawed, stalled and moved s...l...o...w...l...y. Everything I asked of her, she did the opposite. She proclaimed that a nap was not going to happen. I finally placed her in bed myself. She glared at me and when she finally laid down, she kicked off her blanket every time I tucked her in.

"Caiden, I will place this blanket on you one last time and I am leaving so you can sleep. If you choose to kick it off, I will not cover you again, and I will not stay and argue with you. What is your choice?"

Her angry eyes and silence spoke volumes. Such a war going on in her little heart. I smiled at her sadly.

"Your behavior is making Mama sad. All day at work I was excited to come home to you, but you are treating me so unkindly. I hope your naps helps you make better choices and that we can share a happy afternoon."

Kick. Off flies the blanket and her foot makes contact with my cheek. That was unintended, but she kept up the fascade. No repentance. I walked to the door, looked back and said deliberately- because she needed to hear it- "Mama loves you, Caiden."

Ten minutes pass, 15 minutes. All of the odds and ends of a morning away from home are put back into their place. 20 minutes pass. A load of pint-sized laundry goes in the washer and I pray for my little girl. As I sit down to check my email and enjoy a few minutes of rest I hear a wail coming from the end of the hallway. My heart sinks. I had so hoped this wrestling match was over. I run to her to make sure she is unhurt. Her face is red and contorted in pain. She is laying in bed, doubled over a broken heart. I may never forget the look on her face. She was vulnerable, surprised, relieved, sorry. Her arms reached out to her Mama and she squeaks out,

" I feel sorry for how I hurt you Mama. I'm so sorry I was unkind to you. "

I lifted her into my arms and her tiny little arms and legs wrap around me desperately trying to make me see her heart. She kisses me and I taste salt. I kiss it away her tears and thank the Holy Spirit for His work. "Caiden, you know I always love you- to Mars and back. (because we just studied Mars and she knows it would take me a year for that journey) She lets out a long breath and laughs with freedom and love. "I know Mama," she smiles. Quietly we talk about the Holy Spirit pulling on her heart, making it softer and helping her to be sweet. Joyfully I tuck her in and kiss her face. "Jesus is making your heart beautiful Caiden." Her smile is radiant. So is mine.

1 comment:

Mrs said...

So thankful for the Holy Spirit working in YOU, to give you those beautiful responses!

Wonderfully written!