Saturday, January 20, 2007

And other firsts...

In preparation for Jeff being out of town, I decided to try and journey out by myself for the first time and see how I would do flying solo. I also needed to find some shirts that would fit (that were not huge, like my maternity shirts) and so Caiden and I went on our first mother-daughter shopping excursion. I can hardly believe that THAT was our first outing because typically I do not enjoy shopping. I will say it was much more complicated with Miss Caiden, but she was an angel and slept the whole time we were out.

Today, keeping with the "firsts" theme, I went shopping with Kris and Heath and left Caiden with her "little" Aunts (which of course is relative, since none of them should be classified as "little" any more) and her Grandma. She was fine until the last 15 minutes in which she heartily informed them of her empty stomach.

I however felt very odd: quite distracted, feeling a little amiss in my parental duties and constantly wondering how she was doing. Before I was a mother myself, I used to inwardly scold the mothers who called their baby-sitters several times a night to check in. I used to vow that I would never do that to MY babysitters. And while I still agree in the principle, for the first time, I think I have a much better understanding of their behavior now. You feel like a part of you is missing when you're away. I still think it's unhealthy to be SO attached to your children that you can't part every now and again, to make the world revolve around their schedules (while still adjusting yours to accomodate them within reason) and to make your identity all about them. But, I think I understand a little more of the attachment that is God-given. The preciousness of knowing that a little person needs you and that no one can fill in exactly how you can. The desire to abandon the best of plans to care for and cuddle and love on your little one. And I must say, it's kinda nice.


Mrs said...

Hee hee. You're much braver than I ever was! Way to go!

I say, call the babysitter anyway about something unimportant. At least you'll be able to hear if your baby's wailing in the background!

Phyllis said...

Oh, I don't have any problem with being so tied to the little one that you can't leave her for, say, the first year or so. There's nothing wrong with calling. :-)